Fort Mill grad contemplates what’s next

dwalker@fortmilltimes.comJuly 2, 2013 

Editor’s note: This is the final installment in a monthly series about local high school seniors as they transition out of high school and into adult life. Dylan Walker is a 2013 graduate of Fort Mill High School and a Fort Mill Times intern. She will be attending The University of Alabama in the fall. She wrote the series this past school year and now shares her thoughts as well.

As a recent high school graduate, I have received many generous gifts. I am very grateful, but I feel sort of gypped.

I’m still waiting to feel all the emotions that come with a major life transition. Sadness, excitement, regret – I’ve felt none of these things. Since graduating, all I’ve done is eat ice cream and work 45 hot and sweaty minimum-wage hours each week.

I don’t feel transitioned. I feel static.

I may have a projection problem, but I have to believe that a good many of my peers feel the same way.

Going to college in Alabama will definitely separate me from my current lifestyle geographically, but I worry that staying in the Southeast will not provide a new life experience. I already feel the same I’ve always felt, and the lyrics in my favorite songs at the moment are coincidentally all about this sameness.

In a way, that’s what we aim for in our society. You graduate from high school so you can go to college or get a job and keep that career until you croak. Large upsets in this plan are tragedies, and those who live transiently are equal parts lunatic and hero.

Will I be a hero? Have I already reached my prime? Will my life ever change...and more importantly, do I want it to?

These questions, while not ever-present, are at the forefront of my thoughts.

I am excited for the future, though. These questions seem haunting, but I am so fortunate to be young and have an unforeseeable future. Some people I graduated with know exactly where they will be in 20 years, and I pity them. They know the end of their book, and they're only in the first chapter. It is a secret and personal joy of mine to not know where life will lead me next.

Maybe I’ll try a new hobby in college. Maybe I’ll find a boyfriend, or go to France, or start drinking coffee. Maybe I’ll grow to be my goal height of five feet, five inches. Maybe I’ll graduate and find a job and quit to pursue what I really love. Maybe I don’t even know what I really love yet. In fact, I hope I don’t.

I want to be surprised.

Everything I know is that I don’t know anything. God knows where I’ll go, but he probably won’t Tweet or Facebook me about it anytime soon, so I have to just ride things out along with my fellow graduates. The future may be bleak, or it may be beautiful, but today I’m just the same, and today was a day like any other.

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