• E-Mail
• Print
• Larger
• Smaller

Published: Wednesday, Aug. 05, 2009 / Updated: Wednesday, Aug. 05, 2009 09:16 PM

Learning how to forgive complicated

C.S. Lewis once famously remarked, "Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive.”

Learning to forgive is complicated and difficult and my attempt here will not solve the problem but it can give you a place to start.

What is forgiveness?

In the Lord's Prayer Jesus says, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” The original word used for sin infers that some sort of debt has occurred. In other words, when you've been wronged by someone, they have in a sense robbed you of something; they have stolen from you, be it money, reputation, integrity, self-esteem, etc. Often what makes people feel better is when the offender's own behavior catches up with them, and they experience the pain they have given others, that's the way the debt is paid down. Depending upon the size of the debt (the level of the wrong), there is a desire for justice, a desire to see them pay, a desire to see them hurt. The worldly answer is to make them pay, because they have stolen from you. What Jesus is saying is different, radical, and life changing, instead of making our enemy pay the debt, we assume the debt, “Forgive us our debts as we have forgiven our debtors.”

I rarely meet people who don't want to forgive, for most un-forgiveness leaves them bitter and cynical. Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It never works, and leaves you worse than before.

What's the solution?

Let me suggest two things:

First, we cannot ask Jesus to forgive us our debts if we're not willing to forgive others ourselves. Forgiving enemies is not a prerequisite for God's forgiveness to us, but rather it's a manifestation that comes from knowing that God has given mercy by not making you pay down your debt, Jesus has already paid it by his death on the Cross.

Secondly, when wronged, there is a tendency to label the whole life of the offender. Example: If they've lied to you, they immediately become a “Liar!” Even though you've lied in the past, no such label is placed on yourself. The reason: We've all made mistakes purposely and inadvertently. We've done bad things, but there are many good things we've done as well.

We're a mixture. We have history for some of our wrongs, none of that excuses our behavior, but it doesn't demonize us either. We're a work in progress; we are a sinner in need of grace. The problem is we don't see it that way with others, we tend to see that one sin, and it apply it to their entire lives. Croatian theologian Miroslav Volf writes in his book, "Forgiveness flounders because I exclude my enemy from the community of humans even as I exclude myself from the community of sinners.”

Forgiving enemies is doable if we don't place them outside our community. It doesn't excuse or condone their behavior but rather believes that like you, they are also in need of God's grace and mercy. It believes just as our Father has forgiven our debt that we couldn't pay, we also have forgiven their debt. Newton's famous hymn, “Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now I'm found, was blind but now I see!” If we really believe that we can live out the Lord's prayer, “Jesus forgive me for my wrongs, as I have forgiven those who've wronged me.”

The Rev. Jonathan Riddle is pastor of SouthPoint Church in Fort Mill.