Published: Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2009 / Updated: Wednesday, Aug. 19, 2009 10:45 AM
Attack of the brain suckers
Children are a blessing.
You love them, take care of them, provide for them and hope that after they grow up they will be happy and good adults…who hopefully come back to care for you since they have turned your brain into mush.
Below are things I have done since I have had children (which proves they suck all the smartness out of your brain). These are not listed in any particular order since that would require more strength than my brain has at the moment.
Poured Diet Mountain Dew in their cereal instead of my glass.
Put yogurt in their apple juice instead of on my granola.
Gone to the store with my shirt on inside-out.
Left the house with all the doors open.
Left the house with no purse, but with a diaper bag.
Left the house with a purse and diaper bag – but no kids.
Left my drink on the roof of my car after buckling all the kids in…and drove off only to have it fall down over my windshield.
Tried to sit my full cup on the roof of the car (in order to get the kids in) only to remember, as it fell into my seat, that I left the sunroof open (I have a sunroof in the van in order to maintain my coolness).
Untied the “best balloon ever” from my child's wrist and placed it with me in the passenger seat to “protect it”….then opened the sunroof and watched it float away.
Driven around all day with Barney playing on the CD player only to remember as I pulled into the driveway that there were no kids in the car with me that day.
Got up, got dressed, packed lunches, signed notebooks and walked to school…only to discover it was a school holiday.
Told my children (in the heat of the moment) to stop acting so childish.
Onetime even told my 3 year old to “stop acting like you are 3 years old.”
And of course, the oldie but goodie: Called my child by uttering at least 10 different names of other people I know before actually getting their name right. “Come here Cin… Jen… Bec… Ca… Jul…whatever your name is!”
I am sure there are plenty other items I could add to this list…which I can not recall. I am sure they can remember them, but of course, no one has sucked all the smartness out of their brains.
Allison Wilhelm of Fort Mill is the mother of two girls. She keeps her brain sharp by working on marketing/media projects for clients with her Web site www.marketingshoppe.
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